A Visit to Jurong

I live in Balestier and if you are someone who knows me, you know I merely travel to work, to church, to gym and those are perhaps about all. I hate travelling. My prefered mode of transportation is perhaps walking but my bus 11 can really bring me to relatively limited places. Hence let me repeat I hate travelling.

Today I did a 'family visit' to Jurong. Balestier to Jurong. And Jurong to Balestier! Only for the love for my boyfriend...

For a couple who had a big fight on Sat we are doing excellent. My boyfriend is no valentino but I must say he is a sweet guy with many good qualities. He forgives and can almost instantly forgets. He is not special it's just that he puts in extra effort. Like what I said when we quarrelled that day, it's just a choice, to be difficult or not. He never choose to be difficult.

I love his job as a teacher. He is constantly tired nowadays and he is always busy. We have lesser time together. But he is so much happier. He laughs at the students, at the teachers and at himself. I love the smiles on his face when he related his days to me.

Now I am the happiest woman. Hee2...

Green snake

Have you watched the movie 'Green Snake' starring Maggie (My fav female artist)?

I like the show though it's not the best remake of a classic movie Mdm White Snake. A little biased cos of Maggie but most of all cos of the ending. Esp the ending sentence by Green Snake.

She said (In Hua Wen lah)' You said Humans have feelings? But what about us? We, demons have feelings too. The years that we spent together. The sisterhood that we shared! aren't those feelings?' (Not exactly, but to that effect. At least it has imprinted on me as such.)

Those sentences made an impression on me. How often were you the 'humans' and the 'demons'? I am usually the demons. Recently I realised I have no desires to be 'humans' if their criteria are fixed in a certain matter. I will rather be 'demons' in many occasions. God bless my soul. He will know that I acknowledge Him in all ways. I praise Him for all things, Bad and Good. But I remained rooted in my many evil thoughts... In many things I will say my sorry and be the demon. In others I will just repeat what the Green Snake said...

Had A Bad Fight With My Boyfriend -- Praise The Lord

Had a bad fight with my boyfriend today. There were exchanges of hurtful comments and nasty remarks. Meaningful and mean-ful nods and shaking of heads. I was even sure that today might be the we decide to give up. We were so close ... But alas, we end up crying and hugging each other and he said the nicest things...

I believed even til now he must be very clueless as to why was I was angry and pissed off by one simple comment after a relatively happy evening at a movie. I wasn't angry and definitely not pissed off but rather I was convinced on that night that he will never be happy with me. Never. No matter what I do... Thereafter I didn't want to meet him. Let me repeat I wasn't angry with him nor was I pissed with him. But how do I faced him knowing that he will never be happy with me.

However today he insisted on meeting me. Hence we met and had a big fight. And the main qn was 'Are you happy with me?'. The one qn which constantly bugs me and constantly leads to 'should I give up?', 'will he be happier without me?'... We post all these qns fiercely to each other today and just when he was about to answer to them, he did the most amazing thing. He started tearing... And that broke my heart. I thought he would give me up with a little pushing, gladly. I didn't want to hurt him or make him sad just wanted him to be happier but he cried. So I started crying too. And we end up crying together.

He told me the usual things that I didn't want to hear but also that he thinks of me when he is free and looks forward to sharing his day with me. Guess the rest is history. Cos we have kiss and make up. hee2...

But I still am worried. You know that feeling after you quarrel with your boyfriend? That he might not forget the nasty things that you said. Sigh... I hate to quarrel with my boyfriend.

I had a bad fight with my boyfriend today -- Praise the Lord. For from this bad fight, we see that we will never want to give up on each other and we do truly love each other.

Who do you want to marry?

The person who loves me when I least deserve it...

My Pri 1 and Pri 6 school work

When I was in Primary One, I dreaded my homework. They were the most difficult ones. But when I was in Primary Six, Primary One's homework was chicken feet. But the sad thing was I will have to be tested on the Primary Six material. Sigh... Life is such. Never a bed of roses.

BUt I always bear this Pri 1, Pri 6 homework theory in mind. Sometimes when things becomes too difficult just go on. Don't avoid it. But don't have to border over it too. And before you know it, you will be in Pri. 6.

Wala, another God's wonder -- Life goes on...

A Recent Incident

Recently there was an incident. An incident that made me feel disappointed. A little sad.

My boyfriend's good friend and his gal friend break up. According to the good friend, I was the devil advocate... I abused the code*** and spilled some past facts. (Code*** states that what is in the past stays in the past. We should let bygones be bygones.) My boyfriend called me and told me what I did was out of line.~ And he told me he still wanted to face him, to talk to him... ~ (Those in ~ ~ just went like a BUZZZZZ ... to me.)


Out of line... Ya, lots of things I did was out of line. I was kpo. I tried to mangle with God's work. But God knows all I want was for everyone to be happy. Happiness is a temporary state of mind. But being with that someone, happiness will be a constant or frequent temporay state of mind. That person will drive your dark clouds away no matter how dark they are. Cos he is your sunshine. The worst joke he tells will tickle you. He might just be your source of happiness. I didn't want to break any codes. I didn't want to be the bad person. But was what was going on correct? Now I don't know... Perhaps it was. I was just one big bloodly kpo.

But perhaps it was good. For it opened my eyes... To my boyfriend's many hieracy in his mind. To who I am in his eyes. One big bloodly kpo. Ha2.

Where is my devil advocate? Give me the courage to do the right/wrong thing... Stop my tears from flowing. Stop my heart from aching. For this man who sees me as a big bloody kpo...

God -- My Love Rival

God forgives my soul for saying this. But you are my love rival. My boyfriend loves you more than me, cares for you more than me, spends more time with you than me.

I laugh silently at this, but yes God I am jealous of you. And at times I am angry of you. Cos my boyfriend loves you more than me, cares for you more than me, spends more time with you than me...

My baptism day is coming and I am having second thoughts. My boyfriend says it's all about committment towards God. Am I committed towards you God? Did I sin when I questioned about spending time with you or my family? Was I wrong when I got pissed with my relatives for telling my Mum not to get the divorce cos they are Christians? Was it worse when the first thing that comes to my mind was what Gandi said ' I would have been Christians if not for Christians themselves'? God I have a thousand questions in my head.

But some things are for sure. God, I love you. I know you are watching over me. I know you forgives all my mistakes and still embraces me.

But Lord do you know my confusion? My jeaousy over you and my love for you...

Happiness -- A Temporary State Of Mind

Happiness -- what everyone seeks and yearns. Constantly. Evermore (which explains why fairy tales always end with happily everafter...).

Sadly happiness is merely a temporary state of mind. Meaning it does not last forever. Seeking and yearning happiness constantly only causes pain.

Hence if you want to be happier just remember to cherish the happy moments and not lament about the volatility of it. Remember happiness is merely a temporary state of mind...

Sometimes I Wonder

Sometimes I wonder
Am I too fussy
Am I too picky

Sometimes I wonder
Am I too easy going
Am I too soft hearted

Sometimes I wonder
Should I love him more
Should I love him less

Sometimes I wonder
If this is God's blessings
If this is God's curses

Sometimes I wonder
Should I keep fighting
Should I run away

Sometimes I wonder
Am I in love with him
Am I in love with love

Sometimes I wonder
Am I crazy over him
Am I just crazy

Always I wonder
Always I ponder
Upon this thing called love...

The Leopard Never It's Spots 2

Remember about the imprints? The patterns that you can't shake off?

Hence it's not by choice, that you will be the bitch. Bitches are born. It is hard to cultivate yourself as a bitch. It's almost a no way situation.

If you can't keep telling yourself that you are the most important person, you can't. You can direct your thoughts for a while but not forever. If you can't keep telling others to make me happy is the utmost important thing, you can't. You can be the one with PMS but never the bitch. If you do not love yourself, you don't. And that make you less desirable. Cos if you can't love yourself, who can you convince to love you? Who can you kid?

Believe me, a leopard never change it's spots.

The World Belongs to the Bitches 2

Would you agree with me if I said in every relationship there will be a bitch. I mean between the 2 persons there must be a 'bitch'. One of them, must be the more demanding one, the more unreasonable one and of course the one who is being loved more.

Everyone will tell you -- relationship is all about giving and taking. But honestly there must be one who gives more and takes less right? And frankly, they are the ones who are being loved more right?

So be the bitch. Be the one who demands. The one who whines. The one who frowns. The one who sets the rules. The one who lays the cards... And guess what cos you are the bitch. You will always win.

Like I said, the world belongs to the bitches...

The Leopard Never Change It's Spots

The Leopard never change it's spots. All the leopards out there, you know whatI mean. Likewise the zebras,deers, tigers etc. We all know who we are, what 'patterns' we have. The sad thing is no matter how you 'upgrade' or 'modify' yourself, that pattern will still be there.

When I was younger, when I first fall in love, I used to do a silly thing. I used to fold a paper crane daily. In that ugly, little crane, I will write something about my relationship. It was like a love diary. This I did daily without fail cos someone told me with a 1000 hand-made paper cranes I can make a wish. Secretly I tell myself that will be 3 years plus and should we make it through that 3 years plus we will be together forever. We never make it through that 3 years, actually not even 2 years. And that was my first heart-broken relationship. I broke his heart and broke mine. Everybody's hearts were broken.

I was older and wiser and more 'experienced' when my second relationship came. I told myself not to repeat the same mistakes. But I did anyway. And I broke his heart and mine.

Thereafter I have a series of 'seeing someone' and ya all ended as I broke his hearts and mine. Then I realised my 'imprints', my 'patterns'... I am a habitual heart- breaker.

Now I am seeing my paper-crane guy again. After 11 years of breaking hearts, I am back to that first guy.

When I first started this blog he asked me why. I thought I wanted to tell people about my religion. I thought I have broken my habit of telling others about my love stories. I thought I have moved on to bigger things. But those were just my thoughts. I am actually a 30 years-old typing my paper cranes over the web. Why if you asked. Cos I am 30. I can't be like a 17 writing and folding paper cranes daily frantically, hoping silently that my paper crane guy will stumble upon them, read them and have pity on me. I now have a house to pay for, a job to be well done and a career to plan for. I can't waste my time doing some thing silly, can I? So I started my blog...

Told you the leopard never change it's spots.

P.S. My paper crane guy loves me. I know. I know it very well. But he is just always busy. When we were younger, he was busy with 'A'- level. Now he is a teacher and he is busy with school and students and when he got time, he needs to attend church and not to forget his workouts. But cos he loves me, he sms me daily and calls too.

Your bickering Galfriend

Do you guys ever wonder why on earth were you in love with your bickering galfriends in the first place? Why are you still with her in the second? Love... Makes me wonder all the time. What is this thing, we call love?

Whenever I watched 'Everyone loves Raymond', that bickering couple in the show. They are so ... imperfect... but yet they are perfect. Their lives seem to be overloaded with uncalled- for arguments, petty fights. Shouldn't the perfect marriage be like a calm ocean? Shouldn't married couples always give in to each other? Shouldn't they avoid arguments? They shouldn't... It's ok to fight. That is, provided that you will learn from these arguments and thereafter forgive and go on with the relationship. You know, not learning from our mistakes is one of our greatest mistakes. How on earth would you think that the outcome will change if you never change the way you deal with it? How do you shut your bickering galfriend up when she tells you do not look at other gals in their presence but your eyes nearly popped out at the sight of a sexy one in their presence? This is the real life, the real thing. And this is what relationship is all about. Getting used to each other. Learning to live another imperfect human. Boy it's a lot of work. Pretty shitty too.

Guys just let me tell you when your galfriend bicker do you think they are happy? Do you think it makes their world go round jus by making you miserable? Actually I can't speak for all gals. But for me, when I 'quarrel' with my boyfriend, it hurts me. I love him. I adore him. I want him to be happy. But I love myself too. I adore myself too. I want to be happy too. Hence there are times whereby I get angry and upset and I 'quarrel' with him. Cos although it's sucky to quarrel it's part of the deal, the package. I wish I could be the demure, loving galfriend always but cos I love you, I have to bicker, to complain, to sulk. Cos I want to be with you forever. Forever, that is a long time. But I do want.

Hence forgive me when I sulk, complain, get on your nerves,etc. (And you better change your 'methods' if you want to shut your bickering galfriend up.)

Hee2. You take care in Sin ya! Don't allow the children to bully you.