That Place

I went to MOS last week. And thereafter I had supper before coming home.

That place. The place where we had supper reminded me of someone. Someone who sent me home after supper after partying at Zouk. Ya I guess a million guys have did that. Sending me home. But it was only I agreed to our first date that I realised he stayed just beside the supper place.

I was really a brat then. Cos he allowed the worst in me. Yes he loved me. Guess out of the million guys, he loved me the most. But he loved me cos I broke his heart. Once, twice, thrice and again and again... Until I got a boyfriend and that broke his heart into a million pieces...

That place. I remembered on our first date we walked past that supper place and I told him this place looked very similar. He laughed and said ya cos it's our supper place. And on that date he gave me 333 stars that he folded overnight when I agreed to our date the day before. I asked him why 333. He said I only managed to fold that number and it's time to work.

I know he was very very angry with me. But every year, on my birthday he will send me a happy birthday sms. Cos I told him birthdays are the most impotant. For without that day I won't meet you nor will you meet me... I think he still remember that...

That place. Always remind me of him. And I guess does it reminds him of me?

So Many Broken Hearts

I had lunch with my ex team gal and she told me she has lost hope in her boyfriend.

I went rock climbing with this galfriend who woke me up asking me 'Have I lost him (her boyfriend)' ?

I did a flight today and my team boy told me 'I have lost her'.

Losing, lost and wondering ... All the broken hearts.

I was once told LOVE is satan's game to mankind. And I recalled all the broken hearts -- my broken hearts, his broken hearts, her broken hearts. Everyone's broken hearts...

Yes LOVE is over rated.

I used to say I will do everything the same way if given a 2nd chance. But now I guess I will not.

Climbing

I started climbing again today. Completed 4 routes, 2 walls, give up on 2. But it's a good start! Got my climbing shoes right after the session.

Climbing again on Wed! Hee2.

Damien Rice

Please check this singer out.His husky voice and gentle touches of the subtle lyrics, acoustic music and the wonderful combination of the strong female vocal... And of course his honesty. Like in 'Blown's Daughter' -- til I find another person. Ya what do you think he will die loving you?

Gage and I were discussing about him the other day. Gage prefers his 'Amie' and I like his 'Blown's daughter'. We both agree the album is quite worth listening to. And check out the name of the album O. Gage told me it's cos Rice believe relationships are such -- an O, never ending or beginning... Such simple words or rather letter to explain such profound issue.

I am playing the cd as I am writing this blog. I know why I like 'Blown's daughter'. For to me life is 'so it's ...' . Always have been and I hate it so. 30 years flown past and I have always take the 'so it's'. I am a survivor, never an achiever. I take all things as they come. Good or bad, like it or not, I just take it. For if not so how? I am given the options, many many options but the choice is often obvious. Then again it's my choice. My choice, to be a survivor and never an achiever. Like I always say you always have a choice. Always...

And why Amie for Gage? He is my brother. Which is why I am curious about everything but never ask. Who is Hiro? Did she break your heart? Can I break her legs? I never dare ask. But when I saw his blog on Drops of Juipter, it broke my heart. I love my brothers. I try to give the best to them, shield them from all things (good or bad. sometimes you can never tell) but I know they will grow up. And someone will just carelessly hurt them, someone whom I worked for years to protect. Or torn their spirits... I shiver at these tots but I know I risk these everyday. I wish Gage will be as bitchy as he portrays himself to be. But fragile hearts run in the family. I doubt he can escape.

And so I ask myself why Amie? Why is calling out to Amie sad? And I hope it's not cos that's a living hell -- It was said that if you go to Hell, you will have to live, die and relive, die and relive, die and relive... the same death again and again, and again, and again. So I hope it's not the living Hell. I hope it's just cos somehow that song touch you...

Gage, be happy. Believe it or not. There is at least 1 person who live her life to want to ensure that. I am trying to be happy for I just realised it recently.

Adrian CK ChoonSze JiaHui JunYao Vicky

In the last few years, lots of things have happened. Some beyond my imagination, some left me crying in a dark corner, others made me question God. And ya, life still goes on. But luckily there are friends.

Those mention above are the friends.

Years ago, they were names. Names belonging to my brother's schoolmates, some young kids. Then they became Gage's friends. But I must say over the last few years they have became family friends, my friends... Hee2.

There was a time I was worried about Adrian, about Ck, about Jiahui, about Vicky (the brothers so far have clean records. Hee2). Like they were worried about us sometimes.

And nowadays I am beginning to worry cos I am slowly falling in love with all of you! There are times I feel my head bursting with the increased pressure but luckily Adrian will lend me a sms eye and after some soft words, things don't feel so bad. I always wanted a guy with soft words. But God merely made mine soft so that I can eat them. Sigh... As for CK, have you gals been checking out his blog. You have to fall in love with him. If only I am 6 years younger. Darn. Actually I was most worried about misspiggy. I tot we shared some common traits. And if we do, I think it's right to be worried. But I was wrong. Gage was right. Misspiggy is a hardy pig! Smile ya, gal. Happiness is out there! But please stop calling me jie2 outside, let the rest of the world believe that I am just a rather chou lao 24.* Wink* And I am always grateful that Gage has a friend like Choon Sze. Then I won't look the oldest in the group. Hee2. Kidding. Basically cos Choon Sze is really a very kind soul and ever ready to look out and take care of his friends. Guys, let's be fair. Choon Sze loves everyone right? Not only Vicky. Hee2... And I am grateful to Vicky cos she does have the charism of a teacher. I think Yi Long could blend in the group cos he pull down some walls and Vicky was in that project big time. Everyone was la but Vicky is the gong tou mah.

So let's us fall in love ya. Continue to ok...

MOS

I went to MOS on Fri night. That place is over rated.

It's something new. Refreshing. But really it's just Zouk with 7 extra lounges. And I think it's really a place for the rich. There are VIP rooms for people who spent 3k a night or something like that. But I don't understand the Maths I spent $25 and got 1 big hall and 7 small lounges but those people only got a room?! Why do you need to feel'exclusive' when you party? It's the crowd too you know... )And ya the countless of expensive cars I saw going into the carpark was incredible.

The crowd is ok. A good mix of locals and foreigners. You bet you can find your kind of music -- 7 lounges play 7 different kind of songs. But the retro room is not impressive -- not my kind of retro.

I think everyone should check MOS out. I mean it's the one and only place you can go lounge hopping within a club. However you can't teach old dogs new tricks. My vote is still with the Mdm Wong if it's still like it was 2 years ago and if the crowd are still ok or Newsroom.

And Ladies don't worry the guys are pretty decent in MOS. Very few hits and if you say no they will just take a bow. But I am sure if you want more hits it's attainable in MOS too. The drinks are strong (not very dilute) and after spinning on the dance floor for a few rounds. It'll be a world without strangers. Wink...

26Feb --Cloudy

Yup tonight's a cloudy night.

I used to always look out for stars at night and will sigh slightly when it's a cloudy night. I stop doing. And I can't even recall when did I last do it. I just lost it. Just like that. Like the many things in life... You won't even know it. And when you do, it doesn't really matter. It's a shame but perhaps a luxury too. Staring at the sky every night. Looking out for the stars. Breathing in deeply as I marvel at God's creation.. Closing my eyes and wishing upon that first star that I see that night.

Tonight as I stare at the cloudy night, as I searched frantically for that first star I stumble upon the fact that I have lost it. I have lost the faith in that first star. I stop looking at the sky. Stop looking out for it. Stop wishing... And the lyrics of 'The Blown's Daughter' seeps in my ears -- and so it's...

Ya Life is full of so many 'so it's...' And now I comprehend the sadness in that song... Boy it stings.

Gage's Birthday

Sweet 24 Gage! Happy Birthday, Brother.

Yup, we celebrate Gage's Birthday today. First dinner at home then a session at Wala2.

Haven't been to Wala2 for like doney years. Not much changes. Enjoy the band. Like the lead guitarist and love the lead singer. She is so spontaneous and bubbly! But most of all, the company...

Really fancy the 'remix' version of I'll Survive and Love you is good too. Hope Gage and gang enjoy themselves. I did!

The highlight were of course I got to meet Tawfiq( Gage met him in Bangkok I think. And I truly think he has open Gage eyes to many new things. So Thanks for showing my bro around.) and someone waited for JiaHui outside the toilet. Way to go, gal. More to come and ya give them the wrong no. sometimes. Hee2.

26 Feb! What a wonderful day. Cos 24 years away a star was brought into my lfe! Thank God for him!

Will you have a divorce? Look at your family tree!

Ya I was informed of that recently. If your parents are divorced you will most likely be too!

I smiled politely to that person who told me that. My parents were divorced after 28 years of marriage. Why not 2 years, 3 years? Why 28 years? Cos there is a limit to tolerance. Yes, there is. Sadly...

Marriage I believe needs more than love (told you it's over-rated). Committment. Giving. Lots of giving. Forgiving. Forgetting. And remembering too. Lots of work. And yes you can just sit back and relax. Do all that you want. But be warned you are then welcoming a divorce.

Never be complacent. Never take things for granted.

No one says it's easy.

And to the person who said that crap to me. Just thank God that you are lucky for you have a loving father. And I thank God that I am lucky for I have a loving and strong will Mum.

Like the chinese saying -- who wants to be bald if they have hair? You?

Sadness

I was listening to the radio today and the dj quoted from the director Lee An -- Sadness lasted longer than happiness. They linger in our hearts. And they made us think ...

And I tot -True. I grow more after a painful ordeal than a happy affair.

I used to have this friend from kindergarten who tells me happiness (in chinese) means they will not last. They are fast and you have to catch them. Which is why we are always chasing happiness.

But I am tired of chasing... I looked back and saw how I always arrived at happiness. Too much work. Too little gain... Yet, in the end, what I care is only gain. For I feel how I feel...

Like I said. Love is over -rated...

What can dampen the feeling of love ...

I went to CK's blog to see if I can steal more happy moments from him but instead I saw this comment from his friend -- what can dampen the feeling of love?

The stress from work? The daily chores? Your differences? Her pettiness? His ego?

If you ever had a taste of love... You will know... None of the above.

Ever when you are angry with her. Her presence will melt the anger. You can never be really angry with the person you love. Really.

Have you heard the song High by James Blunt? Chew on the lyrics. You will feel that way.

But sadly I do think maybe love don't last... at least for me...

You asked me how...

I am in a relationship for about 2 years now. If you asked me how do I feel about the relationship I wouldn't know how to reply.

I am not sad. Nor am I unhappy. My boyfriend is a decent, hardworking, reliable teacher. Devoted catholic. God fearing man. Filial son. Good brother. Dependent friend. i must say he is ok as a boyfriend. But...

I am not too sure if it's the age. Or maybe it's our character. But sparks don't fly between us. We are not passionate about each other. I used to be. I think so but not so much nowadays. Why... I am not too sure too.

Actually this feeling has been haunting me for a while. I keep asking myself if this is so for all 'stable relationships'. To no avail...

I think I might wake up tomorrow and regret writing this blog. Regret putting my doubts in black and white. But when I ran into Gage's friend's blog accidently and read about how he feels about his galfriend I realised my ans to my boyfriend's qn.

Maybe it's not our relationship. Maybe this is all we could do about our relationship. Maybe you just have to feel that we have met at just the best time. Maybe you just have to imagine I am the best person for you. Maybe you just have to tell yourself you are the luckiest person cos I am your galfriend. Maybe...

You asked me how... Maybe I have the solution. Maybe I don't ...

I long for ...

I long for someone to love me. To treasure me. To hold me not in his hands but upon his palms. To feel my happiness and to ache my sorrow. To frown upon my enemies and to protect me from them.

Someone who longs to see me. Someone who misses my presence. Someone who is allergic to my smiles and laughter and catches them almost immediately. Someone who is affected by my pain and sorrows. Someone who shares his day with me. Someone who talk to me and talk with me. Someone who dreams with me and wonder with me.

Someone who is willing to waste a day with me, doing all the unimportant stuff. Watching the stars, smelling the roses.

Someone who appreciates me and admires me. Someone who thinks he is the luckiest guy cos he has me.

Someone who will whisper a soft word to me to cheer me up, to encourage me or just to tell me how much he loves me without blabbing the mere words.

The List goes on... And I pray that he will know...

MY Lapdog

My best friend visited me during Chinese New Year and told me your dog is a 'lapdog'. A lapdog is like it's name a smallish dog that was breeded to sit on people's lap. Why, you are asking. Have you ever experienced that? A dog sitting on your lap? Go try and you will undersyand why people waste time to breed such dogs.

And guess what my dog prefers my lap... Hee2... Hee3...