Count Your Sufferings

I was recently approached by a highly blessed person who told me 'Don't be Pai seh. Ask God and He shall give you abundantly.' He also wanted me to understand the 'Once saved forever saved' theory, that it was wrong to always worry about whether God has forgiven us. Alot had been shared and it had indeed opened my eyes to new horizons.

From the sharing I realised I had so often regard my Father as my personal magician or worse sugar daddy... That my daily prayers are merely my daily 'wish list'... Sad but true. And you should see me when God says 'Wait' or 'No'. I am like a child who is ready to bring the whole world down if my father says no ice cream to me who is having a cough on a rainy day. I cannot and do not see the whole picture . I could only focus on 'NO ice cream'.

Actually I wanted very much to ask that highly blessed person what will happen if God stop blessing him and allow bad things to befall on him. Will he lose his faith?

My Faith has provided me with 3 essential elements -- hope , joy and peace. But recently I went into a mild depression. I lost hope. I didn't feel any joy. And no peace was found... And in this short period I asked God 'Why have you abandon me...?' Yet I feel my Faith strengthening. For now I feel lost when I don't feel God. For now I need Him cos I love Him. (But I do not deny I love Him cos I need Him...) And at this point I ask God 'Is this phase 2? Will you prepare me for phase 3?'

SUMMARY :

Phase 1 : Recoginse that God is the provider of all Things. Give Thanks in all circumstances. For the little pain that God has set you up today may prevent the big bruise tomorrow. You see today, you feel the present but God sees the whole picture. Hence just count your blessings.

Phase 2 : Understand that You Love God. No for the favours he granted ...

Phase 3 : Count your sufferings. Look at Mother Teresa. Guess where did she draw strength from.

I believe that our Father will want to prosper us, to provide for us, to give to us. But in this world there are prosperous people and there are also poor people. And our God is the God of both the prosperous people and poor people. Guess what will God do when half of the world pray for rain and the other pray sun. My answer will be someone has to count their sufferings and hold on to their Faith... Part of me hope that I will never be called to count my sufferings but part of me pray that maybe someday, somehow I shall count my sufferings...

Are You Tired of Being Yourself

Have you ever experience a day, one day whereby you are tired of being yourself?

Might be a bad day. Might be a lousy day. Or maybe a good day. Perhaps a wonderful day. Or just another day... Just one of those days whereby you have the time to be tired of being yourself.

And there are days whereby I asked myself 'Who am I?' Is this person I am tired of really myself?

Actually I pretty much grew up to hate myself. So it's little wonder that I will grow tired of myself. I hate the way I look. I hate the way I think. I hate the way I behave.

Now? I try not to. There will be times when I doll myself up and tell myself 'Just a few small repairs... Hee2' . The same goes for my thoughts and behaviour. But the repairs go just that far. So there will be days, like today whereby I will tell myself to forget it. And of course no point undergoing too big repairs, then I wouldn't be myself right? Actually I don't know about this point. Should I just keep changing and changing and changing just to be better?

Now I am confused am I tired of being myself or to be a better me?

I recalled reading about people with split personalities. They are people who hate themselves so much that they can abandon themselves for a short while and adopt another personality, perhaps one that they desire or aspire to be. They are people with extreme strong will power. Guess that kept me sane. Hee2.

It's in everyone of us to love ourselves. Despite the occasional loathing of oneself, I believe God has plans for everyone of us. With that, I believe He has created us differently for various reasons. Today I asked He. Why? Why am I like this? And I shall await the answer...