Unconditional Love

Unconditioned Love. I used to think that is the only way to love a person. To love and love and love him,til he knows, believes and understands that you are the one.

It took years for me to understand, all the love I received from my so-called lovers are earned. Hard-earned.

To be honest, I do not love unconditionally. Not even when I was that navie gal. I wished, secretly that he will love me the same way. Didn't everyone say do what you wish others will do upon you? I often ask what did I do wrong or what did I not do. Now I understand, it is just not meant to be. I have always been in a single person relationship, the only one...

Unconditioned Love? Do not be fooled...

Frugality II

The wretchedness of poverty can be initigated by frugality...

This statement stings deeply when I stumbled upon it. Not cos it belittles my efforts to fight poverty. (Ya actually you can't say that I am poor. I am far from that . Guess it's the poverty of the mind. To me, I am still that small gal who struggles with $50 a month. Nowaday, I struggle with $5000 a month. Sometimes I believe it's not the amount of money you have but how you manage it.) But cos it associates poverty with wretchedness.

Do you think it is? The wretchedness of poverty...

Frugality I

I think , if you are nice, you can say that I am frugal.

I am stingy on almost everything that I can think of. I guess these actions are fueled even more when I read the book - The millionaire next door. I wish and I hope and I pray that my stinginess can provide my family and myself a better future, a future with more cash.

My hopes sometimes hang by a mere string. For I understand the rate whereby I keep my 10 or 20 cents can never be compared to the rate whereby others earn their 10 and 100 of thousands.

But still I keep every cent I can...

Emotions are Not Skilled Workers...

Emotions are not skilled workers...

I realised that, only too late...

I always believe I can try to manage my emotions. But like I always say 'Think, not react.'. There are only so much things you have control over.

Emotions are not skilled workers... Hope you realised that earlier than me.

Do you believe in Destiny?

Do you believe in Destiny?

Do you believe that God has a plan for you?

I believe in Destiny, Fate and God's plans but I also believe I hold my destiny and fate and God has great plans for me.

Every life deserves a fight, requires a struggle. This might sound silly but a person with a blessed life mostly will not enjoy life compared to another who fight for it.

When we were younger, we had tests,exams and now that we are older, they are there too. We will not be graded but we still suffer the consequences. Therefore I hope that we try to do well in all the tests and exams, failing them means failing ourselves...

So sit up and prepare for your fights and struggles!

Burnt Toast

...It's like the smell of burnt toast.You made the toast. You looked forward to it. You even enjoyed making it , but it burned. What were you doing? Was it your fault? It doesn't matter anymore. You open the window but only the very top layer of the smell goes away. The rest remains around you. It's on the walls. Yo leave the room but it's on your clothes. You change your clothes but it's in your hair. it's on the thin skin on the tops of your hands. And in the morning, it's still there. ... (from the book seven types of Ambiguity)

I have burnt toast before as in the action of making it and of course eating them. Some people will throw away burnt toast. But I am the type who attempt to eat it, as much as possible. At times, I swallow them with lots of water. I always feel guilty toward the toast. Eating it eases the guilt.

You can call me lame. Why feel guilty toward a slice of bread? It's just a slice of bread, a non-living thing. But I feel guilty. I do ask 'What was I doing?' and I do think it's my fault. Sometimes I will get upset (with myself), sometimes I will think I should have eat it as it's. Hence I forced myself to eat it. To me that's the consequence.

So do you eat your burnt toast?

I suggest you don't...

Dreams

Dreams. I have dreams. Many dreams. I hope you have them too. Coz I read somewhere that Happiness is not just the absence of despair but also a presence of hope.

I like to think that dreams are hope, a presence of hope. To me, dreams are things that we wish to fulfil or accomplish someday or/and somehow and also things we look forward to.

Then again, nothing might happen even when you have dreams. For dreams shall always be sandcastles in the air unless you do something about them.

Nevertheless, life without dreams, without anything to look forward to must be dreadful. Hence, let's us dream on...

Happiness Is A Verb

Happiness is the ultimate risk - so said the main character in the book I am reading.

Happiness is the one thing that I believe everyone is working towards. The rich, the poor, the beautiful, the ugly...

To many, Happiness comes in the form of a knight in shining armour. To others, it's having lots of money. But everyone wishes that Happiness will befall upon them. The knight will come riding on a white horse changing their fate overnight or a winning lottery ticket.

I have those dreams too. The knights merely brought tears, sorrow and pain. Lottery tickets are forgotten dreams or a plain watse of money.

Now I realise Happiness is a Verb. We are what we do. Not what we wish ourselves to be. Not what we say we are.