Divorce
The one hush-hush topic in the Catholic Church. There are times whereby I will want to say maybe it’s okay in nowadays context. Or even if it’s not okay then allowed it for the special cases. But who will decide if the case is special? Who shall be the judge or can be the judge?
One of the most essential thing I have learnt yet so far in my R.C.I.A process is that the Ten Commandments (okay, we are looking at Commandment 7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.) are not there so that God can fault us but rather so that all who follows it will lead his/her life to the fullest. Believe me try following the Ten Commandments if you can abide to it, chances are you are living a bondage-free life. And that, my friend will leave you free to do many many things in life.
Coming back to the topic ‘Divorce’. I think I might be a good person to deal with it because I am a child from a divorce family. Please please do not feel sorry for me if you think divorce is okay. Because you were involved in allowing it to happen. I can say that because I used to think it’s okay and I encouraged my Mum to take bold step, accompany her to the lawyer, told her not to turn back and to look forward to a better life ahead. I used to believe that one should live for oneself, fight for her happiness, pursue her happiness, and seek her happiness. All the way… Against all odds… But what is happiness? In Chinese happiness is ‘kuai le’ (meaning literacy fast joy) and my best friend used to say ‘kuai le’ is a high feeling that never last. Do you think so? Are you in and out of happiness constantly? Have you been happy and not have the thought of whether it will or can be lasting? Or do you tell yourself you don’t care? Do you not care if you are happy or not? If you insist that you do not care let me tell you someone does. God cares. God wants all his children to be happy.
The world is a confusing one nowadays that I believe you have to agree. People are sad despite they are rich or poor. Meaning with money, happiness is not there. Without money, happiness can’t be found too. The Evil one has confused our minds or maybe it’s just that we do not know what happiness is. Let me illustrate an example to you. I have a friend who long for a diamond ring a in a particular display window. And she scrimps and saves just in hope that one day she can have that diamond ring upon her finger (we are the new age woman. The thrill is buying with our own hard-earned money) then one week after she bought the diamond ring she told me ‘All diamond rings look better in display windows’. Why do we have this ‘the unattainable is always the best’ syndrome? Perhaps we do not know what we want, what do we need. Do you? Do you know what do you want or what do you need? If so, are you seeking, pursuing what you want? And did it really feels good after getting it?
Therefore izzit the same when it comes to marriage? Is she/he the one? Will you be happy, not for a year, not for seven years but for the rest of your life that you are with the person? Will you? Do we pause to ask ourselves these questions before we mutter our ‘I do’ before God? Or do we worry about not getting hitch at the right age or better grab our partners before we are left on the shelves or all the stock on the shelves are gone and we are left with the bad choices. Another common reason is getting a flat. We worry about a place to live in later on in our life but not who we live with. Think about it. It’s very sad.
Let me relate my personal experience with Divorce with you. My parents are married for 28 years before my Mum decides to take the walk out of the marriage. I have 2 younger brothers and we were all supportive towards my Mum’s desire to leave my Dad. I believe I can say with a clear conscience that we love our Mum. And our Dad. Not doubts. No lies. But our love from them comes from different grounds. We love our Mum because she really loves us. We love our Dad because he is our Dad. We can’t count the many ways our Mother loves us. But we can count the way our Dad does. He provides for the family partially. Why partially? Because it’s minimal and many quarrels between my parents arise due to money. Believe me there are many times whereby I hated him and was angry with him too. But I do love him and nowadays pity him occasionally too. I believe how much time and effort you put into anything you can tell from the results. My Dad’s results weren’t fantastic. In addition to that my Dad had bad records of seeing another woman, bad-mouthing my Mum both in front and behind her. With all these in consideration we all push for Divorce. To me it’ll be a solution. It’ll put an end to all the sufferings that my Mum and we bear. But it wasn’t a solution. Not even an answer. And it definitely didn’t bring a stop to our suffering. Some bad things went away. Other bad things come along. My Dad ‘attacks’ us all the way, suing us for every penny that we saves. Though the lawyer says it’s obvious that he is lying and that with the Singapore ruling he has no rights to the savings we have. But we, especially my siblings and me had to endure something we never imagine that we did before. That my Dad was indeed not a nice person. It’s the same sensation when someone comments that Singapore is not a good country. We know it’s not perfect. We critise it occasionally. But hearing it from someone else’s mouth. That’s sucky. So now after 1 year plus of letters to and fro. My parents are still fighting (for the property, possessions etc) like they used to when they are married. And the three children get a tour under the carpet.
Let me talk about Divorce in a Catholic point of view. In bible (Matthew 19:4-12) states that what God has united, human beings must not divide. Marriage is stated to be a Holy Matrimony and we always make God a witness. So that this ‘contract or agreement’ holds despite of all things – through thick and thin, in illness or in health, etc. And it’s also a reminder to us that God’s love for us is the same. His covenant with us. He will not abandon us just because we sin or we turn our back to him. He is always there despite of us, our sins or whatever. It’s a covenant just like a marriage. But should we break such a covenant, what does it mean? Does it mean that God can do the same? That I do not know. And Jesus did continue to say that’It is not everyone who can accept what I have said, but only those whom it is granted.’ That is to say Marriage is actually a vocation. It’s a calling from God. And things might be hard and difficult for us but to Him all things are possible. Hence if you are facing a problem in your marriage instead of considering a divorce, pray to God. Tell Him your problems and ask Him to help you. Allow him to… But if you are not a Christian or Catholic, think of it this way. It might be the same with another person and the down side is you have to repeat everything all over again. To have a good marriage you need effort from both parties. It’ll be easier if your partner is willing to do his/her share. But you will have to try, to put in more effort if he/she is not willing. Recall the first day of marriage, you will it’ll last then, why not now? Why not after you have tried, have lived and get to know each other? Ask yourself.
Signing off. Smile and count your blessings today if you have just quarreled with your partner or your Dad. Remember sometimes a quarrel is an effort to get the other person to understand some things. So ask yourself what and next time tells him/her and not starts that quarrel again. And usually after a quarrel you get to know the person better. What bugs her/him. So that is an add side to quarrel. But still there are better ways of knowing a person. As for the quarrel with your Dad, at least you have yours to quarrel with, mine just hate me ;p. Enjoy your weekends!
The one hush-hush topic in the Catholic Church. There are times whereby I will want to say maybe it’s okay in nowadays context. Or even if it’s not okay then allowed it for the special cases. But who will decide if the case is special? Who shall be the judge or can be the judge?
One of the most essential thing I have learnt yet so far in my R.C.I.A process is that the Ten Commandments (okay, we are looking at Commandment 7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.) are not there so that God can fault us but rather so that all who follows it will lead his/her life to the fullest. Believe me try following the Ten Commandments if you can abide to it, chances are you are living a bondage-free life. And that, my friend will leave you free to do many many things in life.
Coming back to the topic ‘Divorce’. I think I might be a good person to deal with it because I am a child from a divorce family. Please please do not feel sorry for me if you think divorce is okay. Because you were involved in allowing it to happen. I can say that because I used to think it’s okay and I encouraged my Mum to take bold step, accompany her to the lawyer, told her not to turn back and to look forward to a better life ahead. I used to believe that one should live for oneself, fight for her happiness, pursue her happiness, and seek her happiness. All the way… Against all odds… But what is happiness? In Chinese happiness is ‘kuai le’ (meaning literacy fast joy) and my best friend used to say ‘kuai le’ is a high feeling that never last. Do you think so? Are you in and out of happiness constantly? Have you been happy and not have the thought of whether it will or can be lasting? Or do you tell yourself you don’t care? Do you not care if you are happy or not? If you insist that you do not care let me tell you someone does. God cares. God wants all his children to be happy.
The world is a confusing one nowadays that I believe you have to agree. People are sad despite they are rich or poor. Meaning with money, happiness is not there. Without money, happiness can’t be found too. The Evil one has confused our minds or maybe it’s just that we do not know what happiness is. Let me illustrate an example to you. I have a friend who long for a diamond ring a in a particular display window. And she scrimps and saves just in hope that one day she can have that diamond ring upon her finger (we are the new age woman. The thrill is buying with our own hard-earned money) then one week after she bought the diamond ring she told me ‘All diamond rings look better in display windows’. Why do we have this ‘the unattainable is always the best’ syndrome? Perhaps we do not know what we want, what do we need. Do you? Do you know what do you want or what do you need? If so, are you seeking, pursuing what you want? And did it really feels good after getting it?
Therefore izzit the same when it comes to marriage? Is she/he the one? Will you be happy, not for a year, not for seven years but for the rest of your life that you are with the person? Will you? Do we pause to ask ourselves these questions before we mutter our ‘I do’ before God? Or do we worry about not getting hitch at the right age or better grab our partners before we are left on the shelves or all the stock on the shelves are gone and we are left with the bad choices. Another common reason is getting a flat. We worry about a place to live in later on in our life but not who we live with. Think about it. It’s very sad.
Let me relate my personal experience with Divorce with you. My parents are married for 28 years before my Mum decides to take the walk out of the marriage. I have 2 younger brothers and we were all supportive towards my Mum’s desire to leave my Dad. I believe I can say with a clear conscience that we love our Mum. And our Dad. Not doubts. No lies. But our love from them comes from different grounds. We love our Mum because she really loves us. We love our Dad because he is our Dad. We can’t count the many ways our Mother loves us. But we can count the way our Dad does. He provides for the family partially. Why partially? Because it’s minimal and many quarrels between my parents arise due to money. Believe me there are many times whereby I hated him and was angry with him too. But I do love him and nowadays pity him occasionally too. I believe how much time and effort you put into anything you can tell from the results. My Dad’s results weren’t fantastic. In addition to that my Dad had bad records of seeing another woman, bad-mouthing my Mum both in front and behind her. With all these in consideration we all push for Divorce. To me it’ll be a solution. It’ll put an end to all the sufferings that my Mum and we bear. But it wasn’t a solution. Not even an answer. And it definitely didn’t bring a stop to our suffering. Some bad things went away. Other bad things come along. My Dad ‘attacks’ us all the way, suing us for every penny that we saves. Though the lawyer says it’s obvious that he is lying and that with the Singapore ruling he has no rights to the savings we have. But we, especially my siblings and me had to endure something we never imagine that we did before. That my Dad was indeed not a nice person. It’s the same sensation when someone comments that Singapore is not a good country. We know it’s not perfect. We critise it occasionally. But hearing it from someone else’s mouth. That’s sucky. So now after 1 year plus of letters to and fro. My parents are still fighting (for the property, possessions etc) like they used to when they are married. And the three children get a tour under the carpet.
Let me talk about Divorce in a Catholic point of view. In bible (Matthew 19:4-12) states that what God has united, human beings must not divide. Marriage is stated to be a Holy Matrimony and we always make God a witness. So that this ‘contract or agreement’ holds despite of all things – through thick and thin, in illness or in health, etc. And it’s also a reminder to us that God’s love for us is the same. His covenant with us. He will not abandon us just because we sin or we turn our back to him. He is always there despite of us, our sins or whatever. It’s a covenant just like a marriage. But should we break such a covenant, what does it mean? Does it mean that God can do the same? That I do not know. And Jesus did continue to say that’It is not everyone who can accept what I have said, but only those whom it is granted.’ That is to say Marriage is actually a vocation. It’s a calling from God. And things might be hard and difficult for us but to Him all things are possible. Hence if you are facing a problem in your marriage instead of considering a divorce, pray to God. Tell Him your problems and ask Him to help you. Allow him to… But if you are not a Christian or Catholic, think of it this way. It might be the same with another person and the down side is you have to repeat everything all over again. To have a good marriage you need effort from both parties. It’ll be easier if your partner is willing to do his/her share. But you will have to try, to put in more effort if he/she is not willing. Recall the first day of marriage, you will it’ll last then, why not now? Why not after you have tried, have lived and get to know each other? Ask yourself.
Signing off. Smile and count your blessings today if you have just quarreled with your partner or your Dad. Remember sometimes a quarrel is an effort to get the other person to understand some things. So ask yourself what and next time tells him/her and not starts that quarrel again. And usually after a quarrel you get to know the person better. What bugs her/him. So that is an add side to quarrel. But still there are better ways of knowing a person. As for the quarrel with your Dad, at least you have yours to quarrel with, mine just hate me ;p. Enjoy your weekends!
posted by Count your Blessings at 1:59 AM
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